It is the first day of Fall tomorrow. I know many people who say that Fall is their favorite season. They drone on about the glory & beauty of Fall & how wonderful it is. To those people I would like to say this: You are friggin' crazy! I don't understand it. I think Fall sucks. And in celebration of season (snort) I will tell you why.
I know when Fall is about to fall upon me when my allergies start to flare up. All of a sudden my sinus start to itch like a Brady doused me with itching powder. Then the roof of my mouth starts to itch, this drives me insane! I complain about it constantly, to which my darling husband answers "I have a way to help you with that". Um, yeah, I am sure you do honey (isn't he just the sweetest thing? Bless his heart). My eyes itch & get red & runny. And lastly my head itches, no amount of conditioner helps. My hair gets limp, my scalp itch rages on. All of this lasts until it frosts. So even tho I take a daily allergy pill I walk around itchy & scratchy. I am constantly scratching my nose (it wasn't a pick! it was a scratch!) rubbing my eyes & scratching my scalp & swiping the roof of my mouth w/ my tongue which leads me to making scrunchy gag faces. Miserable.
I am not the only creature in the house who this happens to. My dog starts chewing her feet from allergies every year in the Fall. I give her Benadryl to help but usually by the time the frost comes her paws are bald. Which leaves me as the itchy, scratchy, twitchy lady walking the dog with the bald chicken feet. I feel compelled to explain to passersby - No I am not insane, we just have allergies, really, put the pretty white coat away now...
The other thing about Fall that I truly hate is the grey skies. It rains a lot in the Fall & when it does the whole world turns damp, grey & clammy. It is depressing, even the name Fall implies that he season is droopy. Take the song November Rain by Gn'R - see even Axel Rose knows what I am talking about - the song is about having your heart broken & trampled on & how it feels like November Rain. Fall rain leaves me bummed out & irritable & if it lasts a really long time a little bit crazy. Anything truly mental I have ever done in my life has been in the Fall. You know things everybody does when they are depressed like try to run away from home or join the Navy (I trimmed the running way from home story out & will make it it's own post - I just realized how crazy big this one was - yikes! Logorrhoea strikes again!)
So Fall makes me a little barmy, altho with all that itching, scratching & moodiness going on who can blame me? I know people love Fall because of the beautiful Fall leaves. Which I can agree with, they are beautiful. At least for about 2 weeks & then they fall all over your grass leaving you with a big mess. Oh, you say, but you can pile them up & jump in them! Woo hoo! Yeah, woo freakin' hoo - and then you have a rash all over your body because apparently you are allergic to touching leaves too. But the worst thing about leaves are all the evil beings that burn them. There is no worse smell, well except maybe skunk but it's close, than the smell of burning leaves. I smell that burning leaves smell & it is like a cleaver slices thru my skull - instant headache. GAH!
The other thing people say they love about Fall is pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin seeds. Pumpkin grosses me out completely. I don't like the way it tastes & the texture of pumpkin pie reminds me of liver. Every few years I try a pumpkin pie because someone convinces me it is just so wonderful that even if I have never liked pumpkin pie before I would like that one. Nope, never do. GAG. have you ever seen that picture of the Jack-o-lantern that looks like it is 'vomiting" pumpkin slime? (If you haven't before, you have now I included it with this blog) That's my sentiment exactly.
The "fall back" time change thing used to be pretty cool. A whole extra hour in the Halloween weekend to Partay! Except now they moved the date & it isn't on that weekend any more. Not that I party hearty these days anwyas but at least thre is that extra hour to sleep right? Except my kids never seem to get that memo & they still wake up early. And then there is my puppy, we are still working on potty training there, so definitely haven't started teaching her to tell time yet. ;)
Now even I can admit that Halloween is pretty fun & probably the only perk in an otherwise sucky season. But then it's over & you have gained 5 pounds from scarfing all that candy. You got to clean up all the decorative crap you put up which is depressing & usually messy (more pumpkin problems they get very slimy when you forget them on your porch for a few months ewww). All you you have left to show for the whole she-bang are stupid costumes that you paid way too much for & you know your kids will never wear again, because God forbid they could wear the same one 2 years running - GASP!
So Fall sucks. If for no other reason that it leads to Winter which really sucks. I hate being cold so winter is so not for me (altho at least the snow is white & reflects all the sunshiny brightness). Spring is like fall only in reverse. So now I am just left wondering one thing - is it Summer yet?
Disclaimer: This is a VENT against Fall. According to my friend Marci, who is very smart, when you post that something is a VENT it means that while people are allowed to commiserte with you they are not allowed to argue their own point. After all it would be selfish of them to trample all over your anger & self-righteousness wouldn't it? (that part was mine) So if you agree that Fall blows pumpkin chunks- feel free to VENT along with me. If not, well keep you trap shut 'cause I really could care less & you are wrong anyway ;)
