Sizing up the Situtation

One of my friend's is involved in a charitable endeavor that provides clothes for needy children. Sometimes she has special situations. Today she put a shout out on Facebook for a mom who was in desperate need for some clothes. Size 14 pants was one of the items needed. I read the post & thought to myself well I have some size 14 pants. I hesitated for a moment in responding tho, not because I wouldn't want to help, but because those are my skinny pants. After a second thought I cursed myself for being selfish & stupid - why hang on to these clothes that are hanging there mocking me every day with their very presence in my closet when I could do some thing positive with them? So I responded that I had some stuff I could donate & I went up to my room & culled the 14s out of my closet.

Now I am sure if you are reading this you are thinking if 14s are her skinny jeans I would hate to see her fat ones! It always amazed me after I lost all that weight 3 years ago when I would read weight loss success stories in magazines like People or Good Housekeeping & the gals would go from about the same weight I started, with a similar weight loss & be in a size 6. I would be like WTF? But under the chub I am just a big girl. I know, I know, the "I have big bones" excuse - totally the biggest fat girl cop out on the planet right? But in my case it's the truth. Even when I am much thinner my measurements are big and I have such big hands I have to wear mens gloves (not saying I have man hands here, they are just big. Big but lady like except maybe when I am giving someone the finger which isn't manly just maybe a bit rude) Anywho I always wonder how ladies who appear way flabbier than me seem to wear a much smaller size. But then I thought about it & came to this conclusion: If you took 8 yards of twine & wrapped it around a toothpick & then took 8 yards of twine around a telephone pole which one would measure bigger around? - right? See I am brilliant LOL

Seriously tho, when I was 15 I got super skinny. Like so totally skinny that people started to tell me I was too skinny & I was scaring them. I was 136 pounds (yes I remember to the exact poundage, it was my all time super skinniest after all) & Iwore a size 11. So for me size 14 is like the Holy Grail of pants sizes - and 3 years ago I held it in the palm of my hand, held on for about a year, & then let it fall from my grip like a fool.

As it turned out my friend didn't need the clothes from me after all - another friend had a large bag already put together & it was a temporary situation. So I was left looking at that pile of clothes on my bed & I felt so aggravated & disgusted with myself. Here I have a whole pile of clothes on my bed & another whole pile still hanging in my closet that I can't wear. Why? Because I gave up. Because I let food mean more to me than health. Because I let vegging out in front of the computer or the tv become more important to me than getting exercise. I must be crazy!!!

Really, I am not exaggerating. I have virtually nothing to wear! Things are really tight for us financially right now so I can't afford to go out & buy a new "fat" wardrobe. I have exactly 1 pair of jeans that fit right now (thank God for stretch denim!) Most of the tops I have worn all summer have been freebie t-shirts with rock bands & sports teams logos on them that my mom gets when she places her supply orders w/ U-Line. I am sure my friends have been wondering what is up w/ the Redneck wardrobe I have been spotin' but thankfully have been too polite to ask!

So for almost 2 years I have been living with a closet full of clothes I cannot wear for the simple reason that I let myself get too fat to fit in them & haven't been motivated enough to lose the weight I need to be healthy & have clothes that fit. Add to that the fact that I can't replace them & I really started to realize what a total stupid moron I am! I know, calling myself names probably isn't very nice - but really I laugh at people all day long for not having the common sense God gave a grapefruit not realizing what a total bone head I am myself. Seriously, here I am with a whole wardrobe of fairly decent clothes & the only thing I have to do to be able to put it on my body instead of letting it gather dust in my closet is eat right and exercise. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I need to get my big ol' but in gear!

This weekend we had had a lot of social stuff going on, football homecoming for my son, a b-day party for a friend's sweet little boy (Happy Birthday J!) & an Oktoberfest party. So I ate donuts & pizza & drank beer. UGH! I regret it now. So I am NOT getting on the scale tomorrow that, I guarantee. But I am going to get on the elliptical in my basement. I am going to drink water. I am going to eat healthy. I need to make myself do this! My new goal is to get back into the clothes I own by next summer. Maybe I will do so totally awesome I can start looking for my jack-a-lope, otherwise known as the size 12! Well a girl can dream anyway ;)

BTW if you have children's clothes that you don't want think about donating them to The Childrens closet.